Bah.

23 Oct

Every store down in StoreVille liked Christmas a lot.

But the blogger, who lived just north of StoreVille, did NOT.

The blogger hated Christmas! Not the whole Christmas season. Just the part that began two months early without reason: With zombies and pumpkins still in the aisles, the props of St Nick were arriving in piles.

It could be that his head was screwed on all wrong. It could be, perhaps, that 2 months was 2 long.

But whatever the reason, his head or the props, he stood there in October hating the shops.

“And they’re stocking their shelves!” he snarled with a sneer. “It’s not even November and Christmas is here!” Then he growled, with his blogger’s fingers nervously typing.

“Must we kill every joy with insane overhyping!”

grinch_loves_xmasAnd he puzzled three hours till his puzzler was sore. Then the blogger thought of something he hadn’t before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps….means a little bit more.

And what happened then…? Well in StoreVille they say that the blogger decided to just stay away.

Happy Halloween.

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18 Responses to “Bah.”

  1. Reg October 23, 2009 at 3:54 pm #

    Ouch. Nicely written, Doug — what’s the matter, you don’t like the season of festive commercialism?? 😉

    Thanks for the grin(ch),
    R

  2. Anonymous October 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm #

    Last night I orchestrated a Christmas theme for a “Happy Holidays” TV message for a cable company back east. This morning I recorded the voice for a “Warm Home for the Holidays” furniture store in Texas. Then recorded the reminisce of a little boy getting a Lionel train about 60 Christmases ago. Then edited a story about a woman who dreamed of getting skates for Christmas… at a time when their family could barely afford food. It’s wall to wall Christmas. Maybe I’ll have turkey tonight.

  3. matthew October 23, 2009 at 4:10 pm #

    Fantastic! I 100% completely agree. Christmas is for December. At least, wait for Halloween to be over before the Christmas decorations go up. I saw a house the other day with a Santa on the door. Perhaps, this was just to scare the parents on Halloween when they realize that it’s already coming up to that time of year.

    Cheers

  4. dougbrowncreative October 23, 2009 at 4:13 pm #

    To Anonymous: Why did you leave all this to the last minute?

  5. Mike G. October 23, 2009 at 5:56 pm #

    Twas the night of Halloween, and along all the streets, the children were screaming with bags full of sweets.
    The pumpkins sat silently, carved with great care, but the drunks stole the rest and they were smashed everywhere.
    As I dressed for the evening for a night on the town, I peered out my window and started to frown
    As I gazed from the window, to my greatest dismay, Christmas lights were a-twinkle…what more can I say.
    “What nonsense!” I said, “It’s only October! How long will it be before this consumerism is over?”
    But I can’t beat the system nor will I buy in, so I’m stuck in the place where there’s no way you can win.
    I suppose I could sit and ponder this through, but I decided I would just avoid shoppingville too.
    So Happy Halloween to all and to all a good evening, because tomorrow it’ll be Christmas, devoid of all meaning.

    Too true Doug. It keeps getting earlier and earlier. Pretty soon we’ll have to Christmas decorations after Canada Day and Easter candy in November. Thanks for yet another great post!

    Keep em coming.

    Cheers.

  6. lindy October 23, 2009 at 6:45 pm #

    so true, and nice poetics. I could not believe my eyes in storeville either , let us just enjoy the now for what it is orange and black and FALL. I dread X-mas for what it has become!!

  7. dougbrowncreative October 23, 2009 at 9:07 pm #

    Mike you should be writing these posts! That was fantastic…

  8. barrysbook October 24, 2009 at 2:55 pm #

    I postulate that it is all somehow the fault of the ad industry 😛

  9. tom October 26, 2009 at 3:02 pm #

    It’s a lot worse in the UK
    The major newspaper/magazine retailer, WH Smiths starts selling Christmas & wrapping paper at the end of August.

    October is practically last-minute!

  10. Leandy October 27, 2009 at 9:34 am #

    Doug, how dare you call it Christmas! Surely you meant uppercase H “Holiday”?

  11. dougbrowncreative October 27, 2009 at 10:11 am #

    OMG! You are so right. It’s the Festive Season now. The Grinch is so politically incorrect in his red Santa suit. Liberal red, at that.

  12. brainstormingconsultants October 23, 2010 at 5:54 am #

    Have they started playing Christmas Carols over their PA systems yet. Thats what I dislike as well as the lights but it’s marketing in the true sense of the fashion and if they don’t partake in Twitter or Facebook or anything else on line or through the paper media, then their doing what the consider the appropriate thing at this time of year, getting the message out that they want you to spend what little money you have on the most expensive things they sell and not wait till the boxing day sales.

    Capitalism and as Reg said above ” festive commercialism” and at it’s best.

  13. Reg October 23, 2010 at 9:19 am #

    Wow, it’s like my new favourite annual tradition — waiting for when they finally play (post) “The Blogger Who Hated Christmas” so I can gather around the computer and revel in this aural delight — can’t wait for the cartoon version.

    Thanks for the re-play (post), Doug. I hadn’t been to StoreVille yet, and now I don’t have to at all.

  14. Yukari Peerless October 23, 2010 at 3:05 pm #

    I love Mike’s poem. 🙂

  15. dougbrowncreative October 23, 2010 at 5:15 pm #

    >Brain, I expect even these early-bird Christmas store stuffers respect the wrath of consumers enough not to begin boring those cherished tunes into our ears until after Halloween. One stellar way of showing your disapproval of the torture-like stretching of the festive season into a 2-month ordeal is to consistently wish the staff at these stores a very, merry Christmas. Starting now.

    > Reg, we are not just here to Make It All Better, but to Make It All Easier too. I’m glad I could bring a new Christmas tradition along to help you get into the mood!

    > Yukari, you mean you like his better? Than mine? 😦

  16. Amy October 23, 2010 at 6:00 pm #

    This is brilliant! I can’t stand the retailers shoving Christmas down our throats. I dislike Christmas more and more each year just for this reason. I’m not a big religious person or anything, but I think that the commercialism of Christmas is disgusting. Last year I didn’t buy presents for anyone. I donated what I would have spent on presents to charity. I also asked that my family all do the same. I didn’t want any presents.
    This is why Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. All the cheer and family with out the pressure of presents.

    • dougbrowncreative October 23, 2010 at 6:18 pm #

      The commercialism is nauseating, but the legacy of this holiday that we’re leaving for our kids is worse. Fortunately my daughter’s birthday is Christmas Eve, which gives us a beautiful excuse to shift more attention away from the blessed arrival of St Nick.

      On another note, Amy I agree with you about the gifts. They are everywhere, like dog turds on a Paris street. Their omnipresence is increasingly difficult to explain away given all that we know.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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