6 reasons why you deserve an Olympic gold medal

12 Aug
Britain's Mo Farrah with Olympic gold medal

Mo Farrah bagged two golds

The London 2012 Olympic Games are done and I for one absolutely loved them. My personal hero was Brit Mo Farrah winning the 5,000m and 10,000m, but there were many fine champions.

You are one, for example. You didn’t put in the training hours, but you sure paid an Olympian price on the day. Consider the case by the numbers:

  1. You sat through 137 previews of the sexual/racial/fart jokes that will make up Charlie Sheen’s new sitcom.
  2. You endured a dozen white-sofa interviews with CTV national broadcasting cheeseball Brian Williams. (The most cringe-inducing saw him inform Clara Hughes that she is a “national treasure”. Give Clara another medal for not burying her head in her hands and muttering “Oh sweet Jesus.”)
  3. You stoically watched sprinter after sprinter mug obnoxiously for the camera when they were introduced to the crowd before their event. (Note to sprinters: watch how the middle and long distance runners do it. The Olympics is bigger than your ego, seriously.)
  4. You were witness to several sleep-inducing speeches by the head of the International Olympic Committee, the late Dr. Jacques Rogge.  What? He was alive?
  5. You gave up a hot sunny Sunday afternoon to watch those  kitschy working-class lasses, the Spice Girls, jerk around and look petrified on top of cars speeding around the infield of the Olympic Stadium. The others hate Posh, you can tell.
  6. You burned nearly 300 calories an hour getting up for potato chips and a refill every time a Rona, RBC, Petro Canada or P&G television commercial played yet again. That’s the sort of training regimen that will get you into the Rio 2016 Games. Love that dedication. Keep it up!

Couch potato

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4 Responses to “6 reasons why you deserve an Olympic gold medal”

  1. mark August 12, 2012 at 7:46 pm #

    You mean Dr. Jacques Rogger Mortis? And he’s a standup comic by Belgian standards

    • Doug Brown August 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm #

      Brilliant! I’ve seen more animation in a limestone quarry. Can’t wait to see Dr. Rogger Mortis doing the samba in Rio!

  2. Murray Kirk August 13, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    Doug, Im shocked that you would use a real photo of me though I confess I look pretty hot in those blue jeans!

    • Doug Brown August 14, 2012 at 5:08 am #

      I thought I recognized you Murray! Nice sofa.

      (Hey, just between you and me, posting your face on Spicegirlsfanforever.com is probably not a good idea.)

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